


Holding You Back

by Badassium1970



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7291048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badassium1970/pseuds/Badassium1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arin thinks he's holding Ross back from what he wants to do in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding You Back

Arin felt like he should have noticed sooner. The signs were there; he just didn’t want to see them. Ross wanted to leave, it was so obvious.

He had come to this conclusion a few weeks ago but hadn’t brought it up because he was afraid of the answer, plus he was jumping to conclusions, although Ross had given him enough signs. 

Firstly, was his playthrough of Stardew Valley with Holly on her channel. Arin had finally gotten round to watching them and at first, he found them really nice and relaxing but as they went on Arin began getting an unsettling feeling in his stomach every time he clicked on the next video. 

As time went on Ross spoke more and more about wanting a garden for he and Holly to take care of and such. The idea made Arin smile as he imagined Ross as a farmer, maybe even with a straw hat. The idea of Holly as a farmer was cute too. When he spoke of it again Arin began to feel jealous. He and Ross had agreed to keep their relationship private from fans so of course Ross wouldn’t include him when talking about having a garden to care for, but he wondered why Ross never said anything to him after those recordings. As time went on Arin wondered if Ross hadn’t told him because he wanted a life without Arin. The idea was stupid and Arin knew it. He and Ross had been friends for years and dating for two of those years now. 

Even though he knew those thoughts were stupid, that didn’t mean they weren’t eating him alive, consuming his thoughts. Arin continued watching for a while but his stomach felt like a pit and every time Ross made a comment that made it sound as if he wanted to move it felt like a massive stone had been dropped into that pit. 

Sleep didn’t come easy but Suzy cuddled him and told him that whatever he was thinking about was probably not as bad as he was making it out to be. Arin smiled, glad to have Suzy in his life. She was an amazing wife and didn’t mind at all when Arin admitted he had a crush on Ross, in fact, she encouraged it, going as far as to be the one who set them up. 

Suzy knew it was something about Ross. She’d been with Arin for long enough to know when he was having some kind of problem to do with his relationship with Ross. She didn’t question it, knowing Arin would talk about it if he wanted to or needed to; pushing him wouldn’t do anything positive. She just held him close and kissed him, giggling as his beard tickled her. 

With Suzy’s help calming him down Arin did eventually fall asleep, although he was restless in his sleep as Suzy told him the next day, laughing as she told him she almost ended up on the floor sometimes. 

At work Ross had bought a little plant for his desk and Dan was jokingly giving him shit for it when Arin walked in. 

“I just wanted a plant to look after here since me and Holly have been talking about wanting a garden.”

Dan inspected the plant. A bunch of little, pale pink flowers in a light green pot. 

“They’re pretty.”

“Yeah I got pink ones because they remind me of Holly’s hair…”

“Aw Ross I didn’t know you were such a sap.” 

Arin didn’t hear anymore. He quickly left and went into the bathroom as he felt a sting in his eyes and that jealous feeling rushed through him.

“I shouldn’t feel like this,” he whispered to himself, looking at himself in the mirror as tears rolled down his face. He wanted to punch himself for being like this. Holly was Ross' wife, of course he was going to think of her more, he was around her more. Ross was going to talk about her a lot, it was no different than before he and Arin weren’t together.

He waited until he was able to calm himself down before going out where Dan was the first to greet him. 

“Hey man, you okay? You’ve been in there a while.”

Arin looked at the clock on Ross’s computer, it had been almost half an hour, he didn’t realise he’d taken that long. Dan looked concerned. Arin couldn’t bring himself to look at Ross but he guessed he looked the same. 

“Yeah, just feeling a little sick but I’ll be fine. We should get recording.” 

Dan nodded and the two went into the recording room. Arin still hadn’t looked at Ross, not wanting to break down again. Luckily recording took his mind off of it. They played this weird Trolls game towards the end of their recording session and he couldn’t think of much else. The game was terrifying and every time he blinked he could see one of those monsters behind his eyelids.

When he left the recording room he was instantly reminded why he was upset. Ross was working on some animation and Holly was sitting next to him. She had come in today to record, usually she didn’t record today but she was going out of town for a couple weeks and today was the only day she had spare. Arin had forgotten about that and he shouldn’t have minded but he did and knew that was terrible. 

He had to get out of here. Dan could tell that Arin was tense. He looked over in the direction Arin was and saw Holly and Ross. He instantly knew that something was up with their relationship, he also knew that Holly needed to get things done so it was best for her that he gets Arin out of there for now. 

“Hey wanna go to Wendy’s?” 

Arin knew what Dan was doing, and he was thankful. He nodded and the two went out. 

It was fun to take his mind off of everything, not just Ross but work too. It was nice to talk to Dan without having it be recorded. Plus, they were at Wendy’s which was great. However, that night he couldn’t escape how he felt, he couldn’t escape his mind. 

He had a dream in which Ross and Holly had a big house, with a massive garden. Along with all the birds and cats, the pair also had a dog, because they had the space to now and had the time to look after more animals and a garden. Ross was doing animation and had made lots of cartoons with were on T.V. instead of doing Grumps. They were happy.

When Arin woke up he was covered in a layer of sweat, which wasn’t that unusual, but his breathing was heavy and he was glad Suzy was still asleep. 

He didn’t go back to sleep, he couldn’t. His mind was racing with terrible thoughts. He wondered if Ross’s life would be like that if he left the show and broke up with Arin. He would have more time to animate and he could move further away to a more rural area and get a house with a big garden and have a dog. He could have a lot more things he wanted and had been talking about for a long time. Arin was holding him back.

Arin went and made coffee for Suzy, knowing she had to get up early today. He also made his famous eggs, the smell of them waking Suzy up, well that’s what she said at least but he knew she was just being her sweet self and her phone alarm was what really woke her. 

Suzy ate quickly before showering and getting ready. She kissed Arin goodbye since he had the day off. Just as she left Arin got a text from Ross, saying he was on his way over. There were no kisses or emojis. There was nothing distinctly Ross about the text. Needless to say Arin was worried, what with his dream and now this, maybe it was just a sign that they needed to end things. 

Arin had made himself way too nervous by the time Ross knocked on the door, but he had to let him in, he had to do the right thing. 

“Hey Ar, you okay?” Ross sounded concerned and Arin knew he probably was but he had a hard time believing it. 

“Um yeah, what did you need to talk about?” Arin’s voice was less than convincing and he almost cringed at how unnatural it sounded.

“I was just wondering if something was wrong, you’ve been acting weird around me and I was wondering if I’d done something wrong.”

Ross’s eyes were filled with confusion and concern. Arin sighed, Ross didn’t need to worry about him, he shouldn’t be worrying about him. He should be working on things he wants to do. Arin took a deep breath before doing what he thought was right. 

“I just, I feel like you would be doing so much better without me. If you weren’t doing Grumps you could be so much further with your animation and move out and get a place with a garden and have a dog and spend more time with Holly. I shouldn’t be taking up the time you could spend with your wife.”

“Ar, what are you talking about? You’re not keeping me behind, if anything you’re pushing me forward, you always have. I love you, I love Grumps I would never want to leave any of it behind. I don’t want to leave you behind.”

Ross grabbed Arin’s hand, the pad of his thumb rubbing against the top of Arin’s hand.

“What’s been making you feel like this?” 

Arin blushed. He felt really stupid now. 

“I… I was watching you and Holly play that farming game and you were saying how you want a garden and stuff. Then you brought that plant in and said how it reminded you of Holly and I felt like you didn’t…”

Arin stopped for a moment, he could feel tears in his eyes. He was afraid of losing Ross. He loved him not just as a boyfriend but as a friend too.

“Ar, I’m guessing that you left before you could hear it, but I said that I got the pink flowers because they remind me of Holly and you, since your favourite colour is pink.”

“Wh… Really?” 

Ross nodded, his blush matching Arin’s nicely. 

“Of course, I love you, I love my life here and I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

He kissed Arin softly, his facial hair tickling him slightly. 

“Please tell me next time you feel like this.” 

“I will. I just, I really love you Ross and I just don’t want to lose you.” 

Arin started to cry this time, unable to hold his tears back. 

“You’re not going to. I’ve been with you for so long, you’re not getting rid of me easily.


End file.
